Patter Song from "Pirates of Men's Pants": "To But Mention Edward Hanna is in Questionable Taste"

In 2000, Utica NY mayor Edward A. Hanna resigned after being sued for sexual harrassment by four male city employees. This, after he commissioned the world's largest watering can (now rusting away at our impoverished zoo). Ed Hanna had to be one of the weirdest people ever to hold public office in These United States. Here is my 2000 song about him, in the Gilbert and Sullivan mode:

The scandalous occurrences within my bailiwick
Are fair game for my mockery however crude or sick;
I view each lapse as fodder for the pasquinades I write--
The raunchier the better (though I try to keep it light);
Yet lately there has happened something I am loath to mock:
For frankly I must tell you friends that I am still in shock;
Though I am well cognizant that the scandal must be faced,
To but mention Edward Hanna is in questionable taste.

CHORUS: His morals are debased--
The city he's disgraced;
To but mention Edward Hanna is in questionable taste.


Of Clinton and his bimbos I could sing on all day long
Provided I kept finding unexpected rhymes for "thong";
I'd mention all particulars unearthed by Kenneth Starr
And detail Bill's unsanitary use of a cigar;
Though I would cite these matters because I am not a prude
(As anyone will tell you who has heard me being lewd)
Why paint a mental picture that we'd pay to have erased?
To but mention Edward Hanna is in questionable taste.

CHORUS: His actions were unchaste--
He needed to be maced;
To but mention Edward Hanna is in questionable taste.


I'll prattle on of politics--a major source of fun
Especially that now the campaign season has begun;
I'll talk of Bush not knowing what a dictionary's for;
Pinocchio's a real boy now--he calls himself "Al Gore";
I'll satirize most anything--in fact, I'll make it plain:
Since I hold nothing sacred I feel nothing is profane;
But there's one subject I'll admit about which I'm straight-laced:
To but mention Edward Hanna is in questionable taste.

CHORUS: He was a total waste--
Our trust in him misplaced;
To but mention Edward Hanna is in questionable taste.


I sing of lovely lepers and inflatable girlfriends
And psychopaths and necrophiles and doom that soon impends
And Maytags and Kevorkians that lead to lasting bliss
And pigs that may or may not fly from some small orifice;
I celebrate in music all these vagaries and worse
But there's one topic that I vow I'll never frame in verse;
I'll focus on the greenhorn with whom he has been replaced--
To but mention Edward Hanna is in questionable taste.

CHORUS: That man I'll not lambaste--
I'll veer from him posthaste;
To but mention Edward Hanna is in questionable taste.


It made a refreshing change from 32-bar pop styles, but that was one damn mouthful of lyrics to spit out at high speed. No wonder my amplifier burned out.